Retracing familiar steps

I'm a blog stalker. Though it sounds creepy, it's a fairly mundane hobby where I visit blogs of my friends and then visit blogs of their friends... and so on. Over the years, I have some blogs that I like to visit regularly because I find their perspectives interesting or just plan entertaining. Also, there is a strange sense of comfort in knowing what other people my age, ostensibly similar to me are thinking. And of course there is the thrill of  of being the witness to someone's life without ever really knowing her/ him - just like in a novel that never ends.

Today I realized that I haven't done this in a while and followed the familiar trail over to some of the blogs. While it was nice going back and picking up the threads of their life where I had stopped reading, I was astonished that in the last year, all of them seemed to have grown up! Suddenly we're all out of college, and working and making plans or ditching plans and promising never to make plans again. Slowly we're talking about dealing with stress, about how our professions suck/ rock, about how the outside world is affecting us and in all this there is a subtle but noticeable shift in our tone. It's more sober and reasonable and somehow a lot more mundane.

I guess the characters in my never-ending-novel grew up on me when I wasn't looking.

I wish my life had background music

I've been drowning in work. And something that's helped me get through many hours is www.8tracks.com

Today I came across a playlist on the site by the same name as the title of this post and I thought hey! Yeah! I wish my life had background music! There are so many moments in a day that are funny or exuberant or tragic or full of drama, very fit for music to accompany them.

While I'm on a spree, I also wish my life had a in-slow-motion button. So I could play some moments slower than the others, really enjoy them and let the memory seep into my pores.

Why not! :D

Heavier Things

I demand too much from the people I love. I demand that they listen to me talk, assure me that there's no rat under my bed when I'm alone at home, make the small decisions..the "what do you want to eat today" and "which film should we watch" kind and never ever hang up on me when I call them.

Conversely, I demand too little from the people I don't know. There is the neighbour who's rude to me and gets away with it, the colleague who dumps all the work on me or the shopkeeper who sells me a bad product. Oh! How can I forget the maid who thinks she can bully me into buying her a pressure cooker! (maid management classes anybody?)

I may be unjust to my people and not mean enough to the strangers. So I understand why most of mine need so much space... But at the end of the day, if you claim that the walls close up on you each time I call, then you can't be anyone I love. And neither listening to David Gray nor willing for things to be different is going to change that.

Right. Now that this is out of my system, time to go shopping!!

Poop project!

Smart idea. Who cares if his other idea is going down the hole! Geddit? Heheh.  

The Festival Season!

This month saw many communities celebrating the triumph of good over evil in many different ways. It also finally dawned on me that living in C.R. Park meant that Durga Puja is the new Diwali! It was a visual treat every evening with six beautifully decorated pandals, insane crowds pouring into the locality, beautiful women dressed in the best Bengali saris with big bindis, prayer, and oh-my-God so much food.. chuskis and aloo tikki and chaat and pav bhaji and chowmein!

The festivities culminated on Dusshera day with visit to the Red Fort grounds, to experience the triumph of good versus evil first hand! The Ramlila grounds were packed to capacity. I could feel the tension emanating from the crowd, as if one mishap would trigger panic and a stampede. Nobody was pushing, but people were breathing down each other's necks (literally!), talking excitedly, intermittently yelling "Jai Shree Ram!" and crowding around food stalls.

After perfunctory speeches from the chief guests, the process of lighting up the huge statues of Raavan and his two aides kicked off. First, there were pretty firecrackers lighting up the sky, followed by the eyes of the statutes lighting up - a deep dark red. The crackers then went off right before the statutes, pulling another "Jai Shree Ram!" from the crowd, at which point, one by one, each statue exploded. The sound, the flames and the cloud of fire, made it look remarkably similar to a nuclear explosion. With the first explosion, the crowd was momentarily stunned and collectively took two steps back, as if nobody was sure if this was according to plan or had the crackers gone out of control... But then the second explosion went off and the third and everyone breathed a sigh of relief. It was safe... "Jai Shree Ram!"

The fire died down too soon though...   merely in a few minutes and the crowd pushed on, to the second Ram Lila ground to enjoy another spectacle. We lost a wallet, lost each other for a while; then found everyone and finally, after much drama, reached the metro station. Despite the crowds, the stolen-wallet and the mass hysteria, this was one Delhi experience that I'm glad I did not miss!

Work-ed Up

I am working all the time. This means that my brain is processing all my usual angst on low simmer all the time. Because there is no space for the angst to blow out. I miss Bombay. I miss my friends. I feel guilty for not hating Delhi. Even more guilty for not wanting to travel to Bombay because it is so exhausting.

Two views on friendship are warring inside my head. One view that says you fight for your friends. Fight to not leave them when they're down. Push through when they're troubled and not let them drift away, because that will only make things worse. Another part of me is telling me to give up. To not be obsessive. Move away and move on. To not love. Or love them enough to leave them alone, because it was never just a friendship. But you know, I've had this debate before. I have made the "decision" to move away and move on, several times. But I always go back - like an alcoholic. Or a battered wife (you, no thanks for the title :P). Maybe I should go to an AA meeting and tell them about my problem. Pray to what I believe in. Take it a day at a time.. a minute at a time.

I'm scared that I'm going to be stuck in Delhi forever. Working for crazies who want to "change the world". For those who believe it is okay to make me work 15 hour days, alone, at no salary, because I believe in the cause. I'm scared that I'm going to let go of my best friends because I have no time to call and say hi. Because when they call, I'm at work and when I call back they're asleep. We have decided. We're all going to stay in the same city when we grow up or grow old. And I'm going to work for crazies who don't make me work 15 hour days. Crazies like me.

When the going gets tough...

For the first time ever, I'm worried about not delivering a product on time at work. I can't get a handle on the people I'm working with and I don't know how to navigate the intense political maze that is my office.

In this moment, quite frankly, I hate it. So much so that if I had a choice, I wouldn't go to work tomorrow. As a friend of mine was saying the other day when his day was going down the drain.. "it's one of these days when you wonder why you're doing what you're doing and if it is adding any value to your life at all".

I'm just hoping I can get through this without getting fired. Or getting an ulcer.