Thursday, October 6, 2011

Blindsided

Once burnt, twice shy doesn't apply to me, apparently.

This is the diary of a fool who goes back again and again and again to the same person, only to be beaten black and blue, every single time. She goes back, only to be accused of being the "crazed ex-lover", of stalking him and forcing herself upon him. I thought this one time, this last time it would be different. It would last and organically evolve into something stable. Because he claimed that everything had changed. Because he had promised that he was more interested in me, and would be my friend, be supportive. That we could have a normal friendship while both of us made some big decisions in life. I didn't want to believe him, but he said that he would continue to be this way, until I decided that I could believe in him again. Foolish foolish me for giving in, only to slapped, again.

Trust me to pick the one person who runs scared at every sign of intimacy he sees. Who doesn't understand the meaning of friendship and twists and turns the truth to suit his violent mood swings. Foolish to ever take him seriously.

Was I drawn in, again? Yes. Had I begun to trust him again? Yes. Did I call him today, without reason? Yes.
FOOLISH, FOOLISH ME.

The next time I want to punish myself, I will burn myself with a hot iron. It'll probably be less painful. 

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